6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
