I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
