I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
