My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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