But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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