Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
