I seem to have left my pride at pride
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
