I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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