I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
