Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
