one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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