Your mouth is God's brothel.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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