I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i drank out of a bidet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
