I accidentally burped into my bong.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
