Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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