I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
