i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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