woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
