youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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