He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
