im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize