The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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