Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
