If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
