well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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