I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just pee around me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have post one night stand depression
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