if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You need Xanax blowdarts
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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