There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
false alarm. still invincible.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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