Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize