I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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