I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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