You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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