you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
