I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
