I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
