and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
