apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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