I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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