I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
