Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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