So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
