After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
