well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
