Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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