why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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