No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
