I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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