Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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