I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
