census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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