JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
