fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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