He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
