Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
