you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
