i think my tv is drunk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
