Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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