google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
