I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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