If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
