my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize