He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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