God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
