hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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