he thought i was a dude.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
