Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize