If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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